Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Michael Bay diarrhea
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
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