I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
