winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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