margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
