sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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