I can tuck mytits in my pants
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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