I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
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