I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Randomize
