once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
