At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Randomize
