Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
