I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
it hurts more in the daytime
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
