I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
