who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
