I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Randomize
