im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
