Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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