Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Randomize
