I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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