just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
