Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
