the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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