used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
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