It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
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