capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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