hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize
