i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
