no, he came in my armpit
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
