You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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