i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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