thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
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