Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
