no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
