we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
