Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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