I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
