Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
