I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Randomize
