yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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