wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
