this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
