I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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