I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
