don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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