I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
