Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
