Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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