Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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