im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
i dont even know how to be here
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
dude. I can hear the air.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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