He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Randomize
