Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
