hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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