Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
then he tried to convert me to islam
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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