Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
