12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
