Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
