im drinking this country out of the recession.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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