omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
