Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
