Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
