he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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